It was a typical weekday morning…the bubbles flowed freely as I filled the tub and prepared my 3 year old daughter and 10 month old son for bathtime.  Once comfortably installed, I began to wash the two and commence our morning playtime ritual of squirting bath toys, pretend bubble ice cream cones and splashing about.  Seems perfectly normal, right?

However nothing prepared me for what came next.  My daughter stopped playing with all of her toys, looked deep into my eyes and then began to tear up.  Thinking some soap must be in her eyes or something of the like, I grabbed the facecloth and said what’s wrong sweetie?  It was at that very moment that she uttered: ”Mama, am I going to die soon?”  “What!,” I gasped in disbelief.  “What on earth would make you say such a thing?”  She then began to explain… “Zachary at daycare said that I was going to die soon and that we were all going to die too!” 

Although, death is imminent for us all, I was not prepared to deal with this question at such a tender age.  I did my best to explain to her, in the simplest of ways, that although death is a natural stage for all living things, it does not mean that it is coming soon or that it is something to worry about.  While she seemed content with my answer for the moment, she still brings it up every now and again, asking me if I’m going to die today.  Naturally, I respond no, but to be perfectly honest, all of this death talk is starting to creep even me out a little.

Is this Zachary child a sixth sense prodigy?  Does he see things?  Eeek!  All kidding aside, I began to get annoyed with all of this morbid chitchat and decided to address it with my daycare’s caregiver.  She admitted that Zachary had come in one day and began telling other children in the group that they were all going to die.  When I asked her how on earth this came about, what she had done about it, and if his parents had been made aware, she said yes.  A little frustrated that no one told me, I continued to probe in order to gain a better understanding.

She told me that Zachary ended up watching an animated series that was, shall we say…not so age appropriate, whereby a character was killed.  Naturally, this led the three and a half year old to begin asking questions about mortality and the like.  Honestly, who could blame him.  The only problem is that he brought this newfound knowlege or lack thereof to daycare with him, frightening the other children with this natural, yet complicated insight into the cycle of life.

My caregiver assured me that she did her best to explain it to the children, but that it was not without consequence.  Once again, a certain level of innocence was robbed from the youngest members of the group.  At a time when their biggest worry should be which toy to play with next, which color to use for their latest painting and how to pull apart that velcro fastener on their sneakers, these children were faced with a dose of harsh reality.

I believe in telling things like it is to my children but at a time when I feel that they will be most receptive.  The proper coping mechanisms must be in place.  A certain understanding of things on a smaller scale perhaps…a dead fly, a dried up leaf, an over-turned ladybug, this to me is the path to explaining death to a child, not Mommy and Daddy and you are all going to die any day now.  Talk about instilling fear in someone! 

Ever since the incident, I have made it clear to my caregiver that anytime such topics are addressed, I wish to be made aware.  There needs to be follow-through, support, a knowledge and insight into what is going on in our child’s lives.  Call me neurotic, but I think that one of the biggest ills in this world is the fact that our children are exposed to too much, too soon. 

So what did your child learn today?  A question worth asking indeed.

*For reasons of privacy, the names in this blog post have been changed.

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