Chapter 5 of the “What nobody ever tells you before you have a child” Guide.

You will never, ever again be able to have a conversation with another adult while children are present.

Case in point, yesterday after a particularily difficult morning at work, Hubby came home early and proceeded to attempt to share with me the trials of the morning. I kid you not, it took him from 1pm until 8pm to actually tell me the whole story, and it wasn’t even that long. Only after the kids were in bed did he even attempt to finish after numerous unsuccessful starts.

Yesterday, I also had to put Baby in his crib and close the door and go hide in the guest room in order to make a phone call, yes, because when mommy is on the phone, 1. Baby MUST be held, Baby does not realize he weighs 24lbs and my arms are going to fall off soon ( Baby is really a Toddler you see). 2. Big Boy insists on talking to me and screaming (which he calls singing) through the house the moment I pick up the receiver.

Even on a playdate a few weeks ago at the park, what should have been 3 former co-workers reminising was, well, 3 former co-workers running after their respective children and waving at each other from various spots on the playground.

Minimal conversation and a lot of:

“Come back here, Don’t throw sand, Don’t eat sand, Be careful up there, Run this way, Do you need help getting down, Stay where I can see you, Yes, you are going to eat now, This is what I brought, I don’t have anything else, I’ll push you on the swing after, You need to go potty again, it’s half a mile away????”

Buyer Beware…don’t expect to have a conversation with an adult ever again once you make that ever so un-returnable little person purchase.

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