Who’s crying now?
Well it happened. The moment we thought we’d been waiting for was upon us. Our little guy just turned 5 months and the pediatrician gave us the go ahead for the dreaded “[tag]cry it out[/tag].” You know the drill: you put your little one to bed at night after a nice little sleepytime ritual, you put on their musical mobile, give them a gentle pat and say the magic words: Goodnight little one and then you leave the room.
This past Saturday was the chosen day. Since our toddler daughter’s room is next to our little son’s, we thought it best to have her hang out with us in the downstairs living room while her brother went to sleep. We explained how we would let him cry but not to worry. We told her that we would all have a sleepover downstairs so that she could rest without the noise. We set up a blow-up camping mattress, her princess sleeping bag, her favourite stuffed animals and a sippy cup of warm milk.
We even brought her with us to help tuck her little brother in. Everything seemed to be showing signs of success. He fidgeted about in his crib as he watched the mobile and then he dozed off. Wow! It worked and no crying. Hey, this is easier than I thought.
With monitors in hand, I set one up on evey floor and then settled in to watch a movie. OMG! Time to relax - this hasn’t happened in months, ummm maybe years. I felt lost, confused, but oh so joyous! My husband put on the movie and as the intro began, the wailing started. The first few cries, quickly escalated into the high-pitch screams that my little guy is so famous for. My husband saw the distress on my face, but said don’t worry, this isn’t hurting him. Our daughter bounced about on the mattress and continuously pointed out the strains coming from the monitor. “Mama, Papa, he’s crying. Mama, Papa, he’s crying REALLY loud now! I think we need to go check on him” I couldn’t take it, I too began to fidget in my seat. How is this the right thing to do when the baby sounds like he’s in such distress? Even my two year old daughter finds fault with it and she’s much closer to him in age, so surely she must be picking up on something in his little cries of desperation. Okay, I’m grasping at straws here, I realize… but I don’t know how to cope.
Sadly, his unanswered cries quickly turned to sobs of hopelessness. We’re the only comfort this little guys has ever known and now, one day, just like that, we decide, ummm no, we’re not going to be there for you tonight. Arrrggghhhh! What is this mother’s guilt and why has it been bestowed upon me now? Eventually, after 2 hrs of crying, we go in to reassure him. I gently pat him and he clings to me like a little monkey lost in the jungle. So primal, so needy, how can I just leave him there? I pick him up, comfort him, feed him and place him back down for Round II of Wail-o-mania!
So how far did we get? I don’t want to talk about it. What I am suprised about though is that I am not the one who caved. Instead it was my husband. He looked at me and said, “go get him, I can’t do this.” Even though I knew that I needed to be the yin to his yang at this point, and balance things out, my heart was too weak and I went back upstairs to pick up my screaming little simian. He kicked and screeched in delight as I bent over into his crib to pick him up. A few cuddles later and he was fast asleep.
So what’s happened since? Well, he’s back in his bassinette and his crib still remains a beautiful, but untouched little oasis for my daughter’s dolls. Yes, she’s adopted it as such. So where do we go from here? Honestly, I know what the right answer is, but before we get there, I think we need to toughen up our skin and work towards the greater good. I just wish that there was a more humane way to do it…
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it would be nice to have this work out before the big trip. What about a less drastic approach. With big Boy, who always slept well, but had a few moments at around 7 months of age, we did a modified version of CIO. We would go in and reassure him, give him his paci if he lost it, etc…not pick him up though, Never pick them up. Then wait 10 minutes…if the crying continues, go in again, do the same thing. Next time, wait 15 minutes, longer each time. So you are not abandoning him, he’ll know you’re there, just not picking him up. A friend I know did something different. She was in the room, she’d sit in the chair, talk to the baby, but not pick him up. Then each night move the chair further away towards the door, till she was out. Maybe these might be less difficult for you since you won’t be completely ignoring the distress. It’s tough, but getting him to sleep better will be a huge sanity saver for everyone else in the house in the end.
I hate it when it’s time to have them cry it out! I have three girls. With my first daugther it wasn’t so horrible because she didn’t fight it too much, but still it’s so sad not responding to their need for you. With my second daugther, it never worked! She is so strong willed, she never succumbed to sleep. I call her my Feisty Girl. She was determined not to give in. That time period is just a hazy blur now. I honestly can’t remember what made her finally fall asleep on her own, but I can tell you it was on her terms! My youngest daughter is only three months old. So, unfortunately, I have that phase ahead of me. However, I don’t remember starting as early as five months. But my mind is mush so who knows. Either way, give yourself a break and try another time. Good luck!
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