Last night I brought my 4 month old in for his 2nd round of routine vaccinations. Pretty normal occurence, right?  So as I checked him in at reception, I was handed a survey.  The receptionist asked that I complete it and give it to the attending nurse.  Not thinking anything of it, I took it and brought it to the waiting room to complete.  Now imagine my surprise when I realized what the survey was about…  Breastfeeding.  Yes, they wanted to know things like:

Are you breasfeeding?

How many feedings did your child receive today?

How long do you plan to breastfeed for?

Are you supplementing?  If so, why?

Your name?

Your address?

Date of birth?

Child’s date of birth?

It doesn’t bother me so much that they want to gather statistics in the region regarding breastfeeding, what does bother me is the fact that they need my name & address.  What relevance does this have?  When I went to submit the survey, the nurse on duty pointed out that I had neglected to complete the personal info. portion of the survey.  So I told her that I didn’t see why it was necessary.  She informed me that the information would only be deemed valid to the government if they were able to attribute the information to an actual individual.  I complied, even though deep down I still didn’t see why I needed to provide this.  The more I thought about it, the more I felt as though I was being monitored by these lactating breast-obsessed chiclets.  Allow me to elaborate…

When I placed my son down to be weighed before his vaccine, the nurse asked that I remove his diaper (fine - that’s typical) and then she said: “Oh good, the stool of a breastfed baby.  It’s so important to breastfeed for as long as possible.”  I just stood there, in my head thinking, why are you telling me this? Then when it came time to give him the actual vaccines, she said: “Here, why don’t you nurse him while I complete the injection.  If the child is nursed, he may react less to the pain.”  “Trust me, I said, I tried this with my daughter and if anything, she actually repelled the breast for a short time after.  It actually had the oppossite effect and created a negative association.”  The nurse scoffed at this comment and said that this was the first time that she had ever heard of such a thing.  Clearly, she was calling me a liar! So after a long pause and uncomfortable silence, she proceeded with the needle pricking. And of course, he screamed. 

I then cuddled him and took him to the nursing room to feed him and then, he was instantly soothed.  Yes, that’s what works for us.  While I was feeding him, I began to notice that there were several posters up on the wall, each one depicting a nursing mother and stating a specific benefit.  Then there was another one of a group of families on a picnic and each woman in the picture was breastfeeding.  Hey, I’m all for trying to nurse if you can, but come on, let’s be realistic… you don’t need to depict unrealistic images of a park full of nursing women.  The whole thing looked stranged and actually would have even made me feel uncomfortable if I were to wander into such a park.  Encouraging mothers to breastfeed should be done in a more uhhh…subtle way.  Even my husband commented when he walked in.  He looked at the picnic shot and said “What the…, is that some sort of breastfeeding orgy?”  As I continued to nurse, 3 other nurses walked by and each one poked her head in to observe.  “Oh, he’s nursing well, one said.”  Another just looked down at my chest and smiled.  And the third said, “that’s it, keep up with it.”  What the hell is going on here?  Do I look like I’m 4 years old?  I know what’s right and what’s wrong and I don’t need a complete stranger’s words of suppossed encouragment.  This is not my first child and whether or not I choose to breastfeed, for how short or how long I choose to do so, is nobody’s business but my own.

 I’m seriously starting to think that there is a breastfeeding cult out there somewhere.  The followers must pray to the God of Lactatia - my newly coined term for the God of lactating breasts.

Come to think of it, these same intrusions happened when I gave birth to both my first and 2nd child.  There were “special” [tag]La Leche[/tag] trained nurses on staff that would pass by to give you specific instructions on the various techniques, demonstrate good latch vs poor latch and then they would proceed to chastize you if  you dared to complain that it hurt or felt uncomfortable.  Any such statements were met with “Well that’s because you’re not doing it right.”  Then she would grab the baby like a football (actually, that’s the name of one of the positions) and re-latch him on and then stand over you and observe.  Honestly, I have no problems with [tag]breastfeeding[/tag] but having someone hover over my breast for half of the entire feeding, is a bit much.  Okay, if you want to spend some time for the first child, fine.  Now that I’m onto my second, I think I pretty much get the concept. 

Towards the end of my hospital stay I had gotten so used to these cult leaders, uh… I mean La Leche leaguers fascination with my milkflow that I actually found myself sitting in bed completely topless on more than one occasion so that they could just get to the point of why they came and then leave me alone in peace to bond with my baby. 

Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that there are alot of really great La Leche coaches out there, but the ones that I have encountered make breastfeeding feel more like a duty than the perfectly natural and beautiful thing that it is. I honestly believe that women would be much more likely to try breastfeeding and stick with it if they felt supported, instead of singled out for not doing it right or encountering some obstacles along the way.  Well, until that time comes, just know that there are girlfriends around you - let them be your support and NOT these breast obsessed bullies wearing nurses’ clothes!

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