That’s what it felt like as her sippy cup went flying across the room, followed by a half eaten blueberry eggo. Crumbs everywhere, splattered milk droplets not far behind and gasp, a dent in our newly installed hardwood floors!

As Moms, we wear many hats, but restaurateur was not one that I had in mind and yet lately, it’s feeling more and more as though I have become exactly that.  Wait a minute, did I mention that I’m also the waitress, busgirl, chef, sous-chef and if I’m lucky, sometimes, I even get to be the dining companion at this restaurant?  Wow, holding down so many jobs you’d think that I’d be raking in the big bucks or at the very least the adoration of my patrons, but alas NO!  Instead, a typical seating plays out something like this:

BREAKFAST:
-Waitress serves eggos, chopped bananas, milk and a smoothie 

-Patron wails out, Nooooo, my wanted oatmeal today!!!

-Waitress politely highlights the deliciousness of the meal set out before the patron and stresses the importance of trying it, followed by the proposition to try oatmeal tomorrow.

-Patron:  No, my not eating, my wanted oatmeal, you not listen to me!

-Waitress feeling patient since she just started her shift, indulges the tiny patron and makes the oatmeal. 

-Patron: Oh no….my make a big mess. My spill my smoothie.  Arrrrggghhh, my want more smoothie!!!

-Busgirl:  Arrives with paper towel and rag in hand to clean up the mess.

-Patron:  Where’s my oatmeal?!!!

-Waitress (thinks to herself):  &$*#@^$*^!  Clearly this person does not realize that there is only one staff member on hand to carry out all of these tasks.Waitress then serves the oatmeal.

-Patron:  This oatmeal too hot – my want you to come blow on it.

-Waitress:  Eyes filled with tears and blood pressure rising.  Please eat some bananas in the meantime while you wait for it to cool.

-Patron:  My not want dis anymore, my think my want to try Eggo frozen.

-Waitress: Okay, you know what, you don’t want to eat, then maybe it’s time to get up from the table and not have anything.  If you’re hungry, then too bad, it’s this or you wait till lunch.

-Patron:  Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

LUNCH: 
Patron decides to try the restaurant up the street, aka daycare.

Waitress:  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……..I love a slow lunch hour.

DINNER:
2 Patrons arrive (one large & one small)

The tiny one asks:  What you make me?

The other oblivious to anything going on around him (ie: the outbursts of his fellow dinner companion) happily receives whatever meal is set before him.  By now, he has come to know better than to ask for substitutes or adjustments to the night’s current menu.

Waitress:  Serves everyone’s plate.

Tiny patron:  No, my wanted noodles with pesto, no quiche!

Restaurateur:  Is there a problem here?  This is what we’re serving today.  Eat it and then you can have dessert.

Restaurateur:  Foolishly sits down thinking that she too might be a dining companion at this seating when suddenly, Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh, Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, another even tinier patron has arrived, wearing pyjamas no less, and has chosen to make it very clear that he too must be serviced immediately.  The nerve! ; )

Restaurateur:  Places an ad – Restaurant seeks new administration.  Brisk business, complete with dedicated patronage. Inquire within ; )

P.S.  Did I mention I’m also a very generous tipper now?

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